another late night

another late night,
sitting alone, left to ponder,
hoping that someday this will all make sense,
drunken french man swearing at me in french,
je ne comprends pas,
wishing that this meaningless crap would somehow mean something,
uprooted from the fertile soil of my childhhod,
and planted in this frigid corner of the world,
the sunlight blotted out by the dark clouds of my mind,
desires unripened, left to rot on the vine,

who am i?
if only I had all the answers.
losing control, and
wanting to dig myself out of this place,
but knowing that my branches can only be moved by an unsympathetic wind,
when did i lose it?
when did i transform into this sad willow tree?
my only source of water an ocean inlet,
whose salty waters slowly poison me,
my only purpose seems to be a target for an energetic puppy's urine.

where did it all go awry?
i used to be that puppy.
i think.
my sanity growing thirsty for the waters of the river that curves around the bend,
and no one knows where it begins and ends.
i do not even remember what it tastes like, just that it was better
than what i must drink now.

what is that you say?
i am on the banks of the same river still?
i do not believe you
although now that you mention it, i remember that rock over there,
and that fish swimming lazily in front of me looks like an old friend.
i guess that i have just grown taller,
and now it is clear where this river begins and ends.

i see.
the water is as fresh and wonderful as ever, it is just my taste buds which have
changed.
after tasting the best waters and seeing whta is out there,
my insipid senses no longer enjoy the simple pleasures
that once made me so happy.
how sad is this?
how sad am i?

still alone, noisy siren jolting me back to reality,
"allo? allo!?!"
au revoir, and good bye,
enough of this shit,
i know there is no answer.
this will never make sense.
anotehr's night's thoughts telling me that thinking about this is pointless.
sometimes, I just wish that it wasn't.